Come November and, I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling a sense of foreboding and dampness in the spirit. Why? One may ask. I don’t know. Maybe its just that another year is drawing to a close and the overthinker in me is pondering over questions like ,” Was this a fruitful year? Have I moved forward in life? Was it really worth one’s existence ?” And so on. As the fervour of the upcoming festivities and holidays kick in slowly and not very subtly, I stand with trepidation at the brink of it, preferring to drown in the sounds of the pouring rain beating against my window, refusing to think about lights or decorations or holiday plans or Christmas barbeques. 2020 being the year that it has been, helps to foster such feelings too. I don’t need to explain that one to you right?
It was one such damp morning when heavy rain and loud thunder, hypothermia (because I’d slept off without a blanket) and a restless mind, woke me up. A cup of coffee later, I settled into a warm corner of the room with some writing material and my Bible, seeking the face of the only One who could calm the storm inside of me. As a billion questions battled for priority in my head, I opened up my diary to start writing out a petition to the Almighty. A well worded one that conveyed my problems and questions to Him in very strong and clear words, with the questions I had listed out in descending order of priority and all my unanswered prayers throughout the year in capital letters and underlined in red- in case He had missed out on or forgotten those.
My pen and heart however, seemed to have a mind of their own. The only words that I finally wrote down on that first line were “Thank you Lord”. I looked at the paper for sometime in disbelief. Absolutely not how I wanted to start out. But my pen seemed to go on. And on and on. At the end of what seemed like a good half an hour, there were two pages, both sides, filled with points of praise and gratitude and tears in my eyes.
Tears of gratitude, of saying ‘Thank you’, ‘Dhanyawad’, ‘Gracias’-for days gone by, for abundant grace and exceeding mercy, for protection, for strength, for love and laughter, for simply and absolutely everything, every single day I could sleep in peace and wake up knowing I’m unconditionally loved and taken care of by Jehovah- the Almighty God, the King above all other kings, my Father and Best Friend.
Needless to say, as my eyes ran over those pages, the only way this created being could respond, was by lifting hands in worship. And as I worshipped, the dampness lifted, a song broke out in my heart and the storms stilled. Forgotten was the petition I’d started off to make in the first place.
What grace! What mercy! What love!
So here’s this note I write to myself today- Dear me, you may still have unanswered questions and undecided days ahead. You will still get hurt in the running, you may still find some days more difficult than others, some circumstances harder than the rest, some mountains taller, some giants stronger. But hey! Will you promise to remember the days you never thought you’d get through and yet you did and you’re here today? Will you promise to remember to give thanks despite….? Worship in spite of….? Praise Him even when….? Will you?
Circle Zion, take her measure,
count her fortress peaks,
Gaze long at her sloping bulwark,
climb her citadel heights—
Then you can tell the next generation
detail by detail the story of God,
Our God forever,
who guides us till the end of time. (Psalm 48:12-14)
Friend, Get up! Take full measure of your life till now. And sing when you see the Glory of God so intimately entwined in every detail of your days.
Shall we lift up this sacrifice of thanksgiving this morning? We can never be thankful enough. That’s one thing we could never overdo!
“He wants to give Himself for us each moment of our lives just as completely as He gave Himself on the cross. We have nothing to give Him; we have only to receive of Him!”
― Merlin R. Carothers, Prison To Praise