The attitude of a baby in the mother’s womb. Every joint bent and flexed to remain comfortably within the confines of the womb. You would’ve come across the term sometime.( If not, feel free to Google or ask Alexa or Siri or the girl next door).
Anyways, this is not a medical class I promise. Rather, this term has particularly been coming back to me, echoing among the madness of my thought life, in a really interesting way.
‘What on earth am I doing here?’ I was thinking the other day as I trudged back from work. Ever had that thought? Ever felt like you knew what you were doing all along and then suddenly you’ve lost that sense of direction? No, its okay if you have those thoughts before you hit your 40s- call it a mid life crisis or a quarter life crisis or one-tenth of a life crisis- or whatever- it’s still a crisis.
Sometimes, squat in the middle of being or doing what you’ve always believed you were called to do, suddenly you lose focus. Maybe because you were so focussed on what you were doing, that you’ve lost sight of the bigger picture. Or you’ve been through enough and more( so you think) of life that you feel you can’t think clearly anymore- everything’s a haze. Or maybe you feel life in general has the responsibility of treating you kindly or more gracefully (good luck with that!). It’s like those art and craft classes where you’ve been cross stitching and cross stitching with so much focus that after a while you really need to stop and look at the whole picture to actually remind yourself of what shape you were striving to achieve in the first place.
So, the reason why I was thinking this was not because I have a sad life- but because I didn’t feel particularly fruitful or exhilarated so to say with this season of my life. It’s easy to feel like you’re making sense when you’ve received an award or you’ve published a paper or you’ve made a breakthrough discovery or you managed a procedure that was difficult for everyone else or you’ve cracked an exam that was otherwise impossible. But you know, what happens on the other days- the days when you just see and treat the common colds, when you do the routine, mundane, not so exciting stuff- is your life also making sense then? Are you still part of the picture? Is there still a Plan?
And as with all other things, I sat down with the Maker with these questions hanging over me, and He asked me a few questions in return.
From the day you enter medical school, you also enter this never ending need for always performing, always being the best of what you are and being at the top of what you know- there’s nothing wrong with that per se. Except, it’s a lifetime calling. It doesn’t begin at 8 am and finish at 5 pm- it goes on, you get called in the night, you might have to stay back with a weeping relative, you might have to run in a bit early for a woman who suddenly went into labour, and so on. And so, as this process continues, we sometimes get so focussed on what we do and how we do it and the tight schedules we live, that suddenly we realise, we’ve lost focus- which thread goes where? What was the design I started out to make? We get caught in this web of our own weaving and then we lose sight of the way out.
In times like these , it’s helpful to stop, stand up straight and tall from all the stooping you’ve been doing to get it right and just survey the bigger picture.
“Does it make you a king to have more and more cedar? Did not your father have food and drink? He did what was right and just. So all went well with him. He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?” declares the Lord ( Jeremiah 22:15, 16)
That was the question I was asked.
Does that put anything into perspective for you? It did for me!
If you think about it, the way we develop physically is pretty much a reflection of how we should essentially develop mentally and spiritually as well- from that point of universal flexion, the comfort of the womb, to slowly standing up on your own feet and standing tall and on your own, and then when you’ve been able to stand and have found your standing with Jesus as your firm foundation, to be able to really reach out and uplift those who really struggle to find a place with God and with society.
Instead, most times, we end up continuing to find warmth in our comfort zones and remain in that attitude of universal flexion- we find it easier to treat malnutrition in our wards than going out into the society and making sure these children have good nutrition in the first place, we find it easier to stand on a podium and talk, than hold somebody’s hand and address what they’re really going through; We find it easier to shake our heads and ‘pray’ for a friend in need than honestly meeting them at their point of need, we would rather go on with the old system when we know that change is the need of the moment. It’s easier to keep quiet, mind your own business and walk off, than speak up for the injustice you see in front of your eyes.
So think about it- What does it mean to the Master if you have a forest full of cedar trees ( replace that with your accolades, your degrees, your riches, or anything else you an think of), when you’ve turned a blind eye to a homeless man? When you can’t stand up for what is right and just?
Like a young lady centuries ago was told ,”Who knows? Maybe you were made queen for just such a time as this.”( Esther 4:14)
Maybe you are placed where you are for a time such as this.