Have you grown lately?
When you ask a supposedly ‘grown up’ adult in her late twenties that question, it strikes a nerve. It’s definitely a different reaction from when I ask the mothers in my clinic if their babies have been growing well. They smile, I frowned. My first reaction was ‘Uhm, excuse me?!…(mind goes blank….)’.All I could think was ‘ Well, I’m growing older and maybe a little heavier!’
So I sat down and thought through this and that’s what got the wheels in my head running and hence the beginning of this blog.
Celebrating my birthday recently, and falling sick immediately after, forcing me to be off work for a bit, gave me some time to think about the eventful past one and a half years. From being super thrilled and excited about being able to pursue a postgraduation in a specialty that is quite close to my heart in one of the best medical colleges in the country along with my closest friends, I was pretty sure I was right where God really wanted me to be at that moment and nothing could possibly go wrong now. That was the peak of all ‘growth’ at that point for me according to close friends and family.
Well little did I know that the journey was going to be quite a roller coaster ride. Over the past year and a half, I’ve struggled with tuberculosis, an ankle sprain, a heartbreak and most recently a really bad eye infection that visually impaired me for atleast two weeks straight. Six months of daily medication and struggling with nausea and weird appetite patterns, almost a week of complete immoblisation because of pain and swelling on my ankle and two weeks of a near blinding experience forcing me to stay in the darkness of my room and now you ask me ‘Have you grown lately?’
Mmmm..my folks would say these are the things that retard progress, that set you back, that weaken your faith. “Are you sure you’re on the right track? Is this what you really want?”
But as I ponder over it, I must say I’ve grown and there is scope for more growth.
‘ Really?? In terms of what ?’ You ask me.
In terms of faith and trust in a most Loving and benevolent God.In terms of complete surrender to His plans knowing He knows best. In all the pain and confusion, at that moment when I coughed out blood and even though I’m a doctor the best I could do was collapse into tears because it freaked the life out of me, when I felt that physical pain in my chest because of a friend who carelessly broke my heart and I couldn’t sleep for nights together, during the times when I was literally disabled because I couldn’t see ,let alone open my eyes to look at light, I’ve felt the loving arms of the Lord around me, His providence and His very Presence.
So yes, I’ve grown lately- Grown to increasingly trust and love this God who’s my Maker, Grown to learn to completely surrender my times into His hands, Grown to let Him take the wheel and Grown to rejoice in the Lord no matter what my immediate situations look like and I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s definitely been painful, but I believe I’m a stronger person because now I’ve nothing to fall back on except Jesus who saved me and that’s more than enough. I’m still in the process of growing, there’s definitely scope for more and I for one can’t wait to witness it myself.
So while I thank you for enduring till the end of this little testimony, may I ask you to think about it- Have you grown lately? What do you think?